Q: I’m a Catholic and my husband is non-Catholic. We had our first child a few months ago. My question is about how to properly live out my role as a Catholic woman, with submission and respecting my femininity. My husband is entirely selfless, kind to everyone he meets, and supportive of my faith. We’re a strong partnership, and we talk through everything. My husband, however, struggles with faith. He was baptized Methodist but never got a true faith foundation. He’s been starting to develop his faith and has been coming to Mass with me for the last two years. Recently, I had a reawakening of my faith and started learning what the role of a Catholic wife and mother looks like. From my limited understanding, it’s the husband’s role to lead in faith and provide for the family. Since my husband is still learning the faith, I’ve been trying to support him by leading him to the faith. So, I have the role spiritual leadership, and it’s my job to lead my daughter in her growth as a Catholic. I also do things like taking care of the finances because I have gifts with numbers and organization. My husband and I consult each other, but I know he likes to let me have the final say because he trusts my financial judgment. We need two incomes to stay afloat. I can’t afford to stay home with our infant daughter, especially if we want to send her to a Catholic school. I’m struggling to figure out how to live with femininity when I find myself needing to lead at home, provide for family through my work, and develop leadership at work. What can I do? — A.
Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:
It’s great that you seem to have a positive effect on your husband’s journey in faith.
I wouldn’t get too concerned about who should be the spiritual leader in the house.
From a Catholic perspective, the ideal of the husband being the leader assumes that he is Catholic.
For now, be confident that you can hold on to the reins, so to speak, since you have the true faith and you are the key person who will teach your daughter the faith. And you will likely have a big impact on your husband’s possible entrance into the Church someday.
The same could go for the financial end of things. If you as a couple have decided that you should manage the books, that’s fine, too. Every marriage is unique, and it’s great that you two can dialogue about all these issues.
From what you say, it seems that you are living your femininity well.
You are supportive of your husband and daughter and try to keep the family living within its means, all the while keeping an eye on the spiritual well-being of everyone. All this is a sign of a feminine heart.
Be sure to nurture yourself. Dedicate time to prayer and the sacraments; these are the fertile ground on which to build a solid life.
Then, take things one day at a time. That you are struggling is normal. Struggles help to keep us humble and close to Our Lord in prayer.
One suggestion: Try to form a network of friends with other Catholic moms. That could provide a great support group.
A helpful book is Sacred Marriage, by Gary Thomas (a Protestant, but with a very sacramental view of marriage).
Count on my prayers.