For
Parents
When a young man is discerning the priesthood, it involves his whole family, and as parents you may have many questions about the road ahead for your son, how to support him, and how it relates to the rest of your family.
It is important for families to be part of the seminary process and priestly life, since they help to reaffirm these and to keep them well grounded in reality.”
real questions and real answers
From Parents of Legionary Seminarians
1.
What is it like to have a son who is a seminarian or a priest?
First, it’s humbling. We are in awe of this…there was a learning curve in the early years. . Now it’s a natural part of our family’s story and we are so grateful!
They do not just become a seminarian or a priest overnight. The entire process is a journey for the young man. Hopefully as a parent or family member you have been brought into this journey to support and learn as he discerns early on. If not make sure they know you are accompanying them. Having a seminarian and priest in the family is a gift and a small cross. To see your child fulfilled in their vocation is a huge gift. The cross involves generosity to give your son the freedom to serve the church with full support.
My 92 year old protestant mom asked me this question just months before she died. My answer, it is a tremendous grace and blessing. The moment of ordination I felt a hot burning in my heart as the sun shone brightly around him. I have come to understand that I received a deeper gift of spiritual motherhood. My priestly son's "boys" are my "grandchildren." I have hundreds of grandchildren! There is no dull moment, so many adventures!
First, it’s humbling. We are in awe of this…there was a learning curve in the early years. . Now it’s a natural part of our family’s story and we are so grateful!
They do not just become a seminarian or a priest overnight. The entire process is a journey for the young man. Hopefully as a parent or family member you have been brought into this journey to support and learn as he discerns early on. If not make sure they know you are accompanying them. Having a seminarian and priest in the family is a gift and a small cross. To see your child fulfilled in their vocation is a huge gift. The cross involves generosity to give your son the freedom to serve the church with full support.
My 92 year old protestant mom asked me this question just months before she died. My answer, it is a tremendous grace and blessing. The moment of ordination I felt a hot burning in my heart as the sun shone brightly around him. I have come to understand that I received a deeper gift of spiritual motherhood. My priestly son's "boys" are my "grandchildren." I have hundreds of grandchildren! There is no dull moment, so many adventures!
2.
What was your first reaction when you learned that your son wanted to study for the priesthood?
We were not surprised. We tried to always expose our children to a variety of priests and present the priesthood as an option just like they would naturally consider college or the work force.
I was surprised! But yet, not. I wanted to clear the way for him to follow God, wherever that would lead. There were very difficult moments, to be sure. Moments of doubt, should we have sent him at such a young age? But in the end, it came down to trusting his discernment. Trusting that God speaks to children and young adults. Our role was to help them respond. Our first son was 10 when he first heard his call, almost audibly in the adoration chapel. We encouraged him to start praying every day and live a life immersed in the sacraments. Our second son had more of a gradual discernment. We told him to pray every day and put him in an environment where he was surrounded by Christ always, at school, play, in the community, at work, at home. The ECYD retreats, camps and visits to the apostolic schoolbecame a priority on our family's schedule and in our budget.
We were not shocked. We had mixed feelings… wonder, excitement, lots of questions, cautious hope for him, joy and peace.
What was your first reaction when you learned that your son wanted to study for the priesthood? We were not surprised. We tried to always expose our children to a variety of priests and present the priesthood as an option just like they would naturally consider college or the work force.
I was surprised! But yet, not. I wanted to clear the way for him to follow God, wherever that would lead. There were very difficult moments, to be sure. Moments of doubt, should we have sent him at such a young age? But in the end, it came down to trusting his discernment. Trusting that God speaks to children and young adults. Our role was to help them respond. Our first son was 10 when he first heard his call, almost audibly in the adoration chapel. We encouraged him to start praying every day and live a life immersed in the sacraments. Our second son had more of a gradual discernment. We told him to pray every day and put him in an environment where he was surrounded by Christ always, at school, play, in the community, at work, at home. The ECYD retreats, camps and visits to the apostolic school became a priority on our family's schedule and in our budget.
We were not shocked. We had mixed feelings… wonder, excitement, lots of questions, cautious hope for him, joy and peace.
3.
Has your son been happy?
Yes! So peaceful and happy. The road has not always been smooth, but the joy that comes from living a life of grace and surrender is much deeper than happiness as the world sees it.
Absolutely, Jack has been happy. As parents, we’re always sensitive to this….is he happy? Fulfilled? At peace? And we always can honestly say “yes” he is.
Our son loves the Legion of Christ and is fulfilled in his life as a brother. He definitely has had hurdles but has grown in each of them. They live in community so they have the challenges that we all have with family life, schedules, etc. Plus they are learning multiple languages and have many norms to adjust to.
Yes! So peaceful and happy. The road has not always been smooth, but the joy that comes from living a life of grace and surrender is much deeper than happiness as the world sees it.
Absolutely, Jack has been happy. As parents, we’re always sensitive to this….is he happy? Fulfilled? At peace? And we always can honestly say “yes” he is.
Our son loves the Legion of Christ and is fulfilled in his life as a brother. He definitely has had hurdles but has grown in each of them. They live in community so they have the challenges that we all have with family life, schedules, etc. Plus they are learning multiple languages and have many norms to adjust to.
4.
How do you express your support for his vocational discernment?
In two ways- privately, we say special prayers for his vocation every day. We let him know regularly in letters or conversation how much we love him and how grateful we are for his vocation.
We try to visit when possible and we also try to encourage him in his studies and community life. They have a rugged schedule and demanding academics. When able, we send things for him and usually add something for his fellow brothers.
We want what God wants. What does God want? It is really that simple. We don't think we know more than God or our son's personal discernment of his call to follow his call as a priest. We say, go out into the deep. Follow. Love. Find your path. We are always here. They love coming home for 2 weeks every year to hang out as siblings. All of us together for 2 weeks. Not many families can say they do that after their kids leave home!
In two ways- privately, we say special prayers for his vocation every day. We let him know regularly in letters or conversation how much we love him and how grateful we are for his vocation.
We try to visit when possible and we also try to encourage him in his studies and community life. They have a rugged schedule and demanding academics. When able, we send things for him and usually add something for his fellow brothers.
We want what God wants. What does God want? It is really that simple. We don't think we know more than God or our son's personal discernment of his call to follow his call as a priest. We say, go out into the deep. Follow. Love. Find your path. We are always here. They love coming home for 2 weeks every year to hang out as siblings. All of us together for 2 weeks. Not many families can say they do that after their kids leave home!
5.
Is your son still connected to your family?
Yes- but it is an effort, and we have to be very intentional about keeping him “in the know” as far as family goes. We have a family group chat, and he is on a sibling group chat. He has a family calendar, and we update it frequently. Face time is a great tool too. It is good to keep him up to date on the good, the bad and the not so pretty! As a priest they will face it all so we definitely give him a front row seat to our lives.
We are a mission focused family. This is God's doing in spite of us! It is amazing how close we are to all our children, even though none live in our state! One in Chile, one in Rome, two in North Dakota. Yet, the Eucharist and the shared mission and shared hearts keep us close. Our sons communicate via photos and texts several times a week, just sharing little parts of their lives. Not only with the family as a whole, but individually and in their "kids only" chat. We love that they are connected to each other.
Our family is very close. Jack has 8 siblings, he is a brother in law and an uncle too! We communicate through our family group text daily and he is always involved. Every few weeks we have long catch up phone calls. He loves his family and we feel his prayers.
Yes- but it is an effort, and we have to be very intentional about keeping him “in the know” as far as family goes. We have a family group chat, and he is on a sibling group chat. He has a family calendar, and we update it frequently. Face time is a great tool too. It is good to keep him up to date on the good, the bad and the not so pretty! As a priest they will face it all so we definitely give him a front row seat to our lives.
We are a mission focused family. God's doing in spite of us! It is amazing how close we are to all our children, even though none live in our state! One in Chile, one in Rome, 2 in North Dakota. Yet, the Eucharist and the shared mission and shared hearts keep us close. Our sons communicate via photos and texts several times a week, just sharing little parts of their lives. Not only with the family as a whole, but individually and in their "kids only" chat. We love that they are connected to each other.
Our family is very close. Jack has 8 siblings, he is a brother in law and an uncle too! We communicate through our family group text daily and he is always involved. Every few weeks we have long catch up phone calls. He loves his family and we feel his prayers.
6.
What else would you like to say to parents of prospective or new seminarians?
Our mission as parents is to prepare our children to follow God's call, not to keep them for ourselves. My only hope has been for my children to follow God's call, and I am just as happy to see that in my married children as in my priestly sons. They will be most fulfilled in their own God-given mission, and isn't that what we wanted for them in the first place?
Do not be afraid to be open to God’s will for your son, because He knows what will truly make your son happy. Also, we discovered how your family grows when you have a son who is a Legionary…suddenly you have connections all over the world! It’s a gift.
Discernment is a process. Religious life is different than diocesan life. Make sure that you understand the process, timeframe, and academic requirements. This will help you set expectations for friends and family members as to the availability of your son and the challenges he will have. It's also important to understand the Legion's history—as part of the Church's history—and the challenges and renewals it has been through. Understand what happened and see how your son understands and sees this. Their perspective is important as their call—their mission—is wrapped up in how they see their purpose and what they can bring to serve this Church of ours. It is a wild ride—saddle up and enjoy the journey! God fills in the gaps for you and your son!
Our mission as parents is to prepare our children to follow God's call, not to keep them for ourselves. My only hope has been for my children to follow God's call, and I am just as happy to see that in my married children as in my priestly sons. They will be most fulfilled in their mission, and isn't that why we wanted them in the first place?
Do not be afraid to be open to God’s will for your son, because He knows what will truly make your son happy. Also, we discovered how your family grows when you have a son who is a Legionary…suddenly you have connections all over the world! It’s a gift.
Discernment is a process. Religious life is different than diocesan life. Make sure that you understand the process, timeframe, and academic requirements. This will help you set expectations for friends and family members as to the availability of your son and the challenges he will have. The Legion has had its scandals. Don’t run or avoid the topic. Understand what happened and see how your son understands and sees the scandal of the founder and any other story with the Legion or the Catholic Church. Having their perspective is important as their call- their mission- is wrapped up in how they see their purpose and what they can bring to serve this Church of ours. It is a wild ride- saddle up and enjoy the journey! God fills in the gaps for you and your son!