Q: I was up late one night talking with friends about different girls in our friend group and if we’d ask them out or not. Obviously with this there comes some criticism as to why we would or wouldn’t pursue a relationship. Is this type of talk about others a mortal sin? They weren’t statements of anger or attempts to ruin someone’s reputation. Are these types of conversations deadly? I feel not because it’s kind of common. – J.

Answered by Fr. Edward McIlmail, LC:

It can be beneficial for young men to help one another discern what they are looking for in their relationship with young women, and vice versa. It’s part of life.

Such discussions should be done respectfully. Done well, they can help young adults avoid relationships that might not be healthy or suitable. Friends can help friends overcome the blind spots that are common in budding romances.

You ask whether these conversations are a mortal sin. Ideally, they should even involve venial sin. They could involve grave sin when reputations are ruined.

One way to guide your words or conversations is this:

Recall that each woman is a beloved daughter of God. You should speak of her the way you would want others to speak of your sister or cousin.

Part of your mission in life is to respect and protect women as Jesus did.

God reveals something unique about himself in each person. If we can look for the best in people, and not just whether their human qualities appeal to us, we can start to see the world through the eyes of Our Lord.